July 16, 2013

Thoughts, Feelings, Emotions

I know I've been doing the weekly updates on my pregnancy, but I feel like just answering those questions leaves out a lot. So here are some other things that have been going on or are important to me: 

1
I really want to have a natural birth. Just yesterday my book on The Bradley Method came in and I can't wait to devour it so I can be best prepared. Right now my mindset is that I will accept medication only if it is legitimately medically necessary for the my health or the health of my baby. Please understand that by no means whatsoever am I condemning those who were induced or got an epidural or had a c-section! I have just heard a lot of great things about natural childbirth and am excited to try it. Right now I just really want to see the midwife that everyone I know recommends, because I hear she is absolutely amazing and very supportive of mamas who want to give birth naturally. I scheduled my appointment for tomorrow with her, but just found out yesterday that she is on vacation. Boo. I am bound and determined to see her at my 28 week appointment though! I really hope it's not too late to form a good relationship with her so that she'll be the one who delivers my baby. My fingers and toes are crossed!

2
I am not a fan of my body changing. You know the old saying that you don't know what you've got til it's gone? That is exactly how I feel. 


I wanted to only gain the minimum of what the doctor said was the healthy range (25-35 pounds) but I am well on my way to reaching the top. Ugh. I'm scared to death that I will find out tomorrow that I have gestational diabetes, since tomorrow is my glucola test. I had a breakdown the other night because I was convinced that he would end up being 17 pounds and I wouldn't get to have the natural birth I want because I'm a bad mom who only feeds her unborn child carbs and sugar. If being pregnant doesn't inspire me to eat the healthy all the time and exercise like crazy, then I must be the most selfish, lazy slob in the world! That's how I was feeling the other day anyway. It doesn't help either when your husband has ultra-fast metabolism and hasn't got an ounce of fat on his body. Being married to a fine human specimen is fabulous until you start to wonder if you're the couple that people look at and think, "how did that girl get that guy?!"

As you can see, I'm not doing well with the body changes. I hesitated at first to even share all of this, but I think it's important to be real and not pretend that pregnancy is all roses and butterflies. When I read other pregnant lady blogs the ones who act like everything is perfect just make me feel worse. So, I'll be honest and say it's hard watching my body change! Thankfully when I feel him moving I know it's all more than worth it. I just hope I can get back to my old self (and into my old jeans) as soon as possible!

3
On a happier note, we are almost finished with the nursery! It is coming together perfectly and I am beyond thankful for all of Jason's hard work. We are alike in that once we start something we want to finish it as fast as we can. So, he's been working incredibly hard to finish up project after project so that the room will be done in plenty of time. The main colors are white, navy, red and baby blue. I'm trying to achieve a preppy, New England kind of feel without the room becoming "theme-y." Once we are all done I'll post plenty of pictures :)

That's all for now! Everyone say a little prayer that I pass the glucola test tomorrow and don't have gestational diabetes! (And maybe say an extra prayer that if I do, I won't crash onto the jagged rocks of despair!)

7 comments:

  1. I can understand how you feel! Pregnancy hormones can make you feel crazy things! Especially about your body, but believe me Momma you look sooo good even if you don't feel that way. You are allll baby. For reals!! You are right, it will be all worth it once you get to see your little man! Katie will make you feel like you have been seeing her all along so no worries there! Just let her know that you want her to deliver your baby and she will tell you no problem! Can't wait to see the room!! Sounds so cute!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are so sweet! I really appreciate your encouragement! I am SO looking forward to seeing her; it's starting to get real for me-eek!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alison Duvall BennettJuly 16, 2013 at 1:49 PM

    Hi Tate, I wanted to take a moment and comment on your gestational diabetes fears, since I dealt with it while pregnant with my second child who was born just 9 weeks ago. Gestational diabetes is caused by hormones produced by the placenta, so if you have it, you were always going to have it, no matter your diet. It is completely out of your control, so no sense in feeling guilty or ashamed! If you do happen test positive for it, there is a LOT you can do to help keep it under control and minimize effects on your little fella. I was able to tightly control mine with diet and exercise and my sweet girl was born with no birth complications and at a perfectly reasonable 7 lbs. 5 1/2 oz. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Alison, thank you so much for sharing that! It is SO reassuring to know that if I have it, it's not my fault and that I can still have a reasonable sized baby. Congratulations on your little girl! And really, thank you so, so much for sharing your experience. I feel a LOT better!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tate, I can toootally relate to your #2 on so many levels! It tooks us awhile to get pregnant and I swore that I would be the healthiest pregnant lady ever. Wishful thinking...most days it was an accomplishment just to remember my prenatal vitamin. I was sure I would have gestational diabetes, though I didn't have any of the previous risk factors. I felt like such a bad mother for drinking coffee and the occassional soda instead of only water and eating cupcakes instead of organic gluten-free whatever. What I had to realize was that if a bean burrito from Taco Bell was the only thing I could stomach, it was better to eat that than to not eat anything (and I ate A LOT of bean burritos!)

    You look fabulous with your little baby bump! (Though I'm sure it doesn't seem so little to you!) And "healthy weight gain" is different for everyone. But I definitely understand struggling with your changing body. It's an ongoing process for getting used to my post-baby body. It's kind of hard to accept that I will always be covered in stretch marks and that my tummy, which used to have an excuse to stick out, is now just flabby and squishy and looks weird under my shirt. I just try to remind myself that none of of my clothes fit because my body did the most amazing thing it could ever possibly do.

    I'll pray for you as you drink the orange gloop tomorrow! It's really not all that bad.

    And you will LOVE Katie (I'm assuming that's the midwife you were refering to). I only got to see her a handful of times before giving birth, but she always remembered everything about me and I feel so blessed that she was available to deliver Evelyn. Hopefully you get to see her next time!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks Anna! It is so nice to know there are others out there who can relate. It's just so much harder than I thought it would be. I used to see pregnant ladies and think they were so cute, and now that I am one I can't see myself in the same light. I think YOU look great and seeing other women who have already had babies makes me realize that I won't look like this forever. So you are an encouragement!

    Yep, it's Katie who I am dying to see. Everyone I've talked to loves her! I am hoping and praying my birth experience goes as smoothly as yours did. You inspired me to start looking up natural birth stuff :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I highly recommend watching The Business of Being Born if you haven't already, and have Jason watch it with you!I felt so empowered after watching those women labor and deliver so peacefully. I was literally terrified of getting an epidural, but never really considered that I could give birth without it before, but I was able to approach my labor with confidence and without fear after watching that. And it helped Mike understand more about real life childbirth and support me in my decisions. Great film!

    ReplyDelete